Destructoid Changelog - Switch 2: Switch Harder

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It’s Friday! That means I’m in your inbox again. Don’t worry, I wiped my feet before coming in. Things are finally getting back into full swing after the holidays.

We even got an announcement for the Switch 2, finally. That’s a lot! Also, not a lot at all. Nintendo has basically just confirmed some of the leaks and not much else. Is it more powerful? Probably. How much more powerful? Not telling. What games are arriving? Mario Kart, I guess. Which is still pretty cool. Hopefully, I haven’t traumatized my family with my sick drifting skillz so badly they won’t play it with me.

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Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? (Master System)

Don’t ask. This is just what I do.

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? is a beloved kids edutainment game by Broderbund. It was released before I was born, but it was still kind of popular when I was growing up. I remember watching the spin-off TV game show with my sister some mornings before school. They still make games based on the property but, uh, I don’t think they’re very edutaining anymore. She’s, like, a vigilante now or something.

But back in the day, she taught you stuff. Well, not her, specifically. She’s the head of a criminal organization called V.I.L.E., and they go around stealing priceless artifacts from around the world. Later entries would have them crimin’ about the USA, Europe, Space, Time, and North Dakota. For the first entry, it was all about world geography.

It initially released on home computers but was ported all over the place. The 1988 Sega Master System version, was probably the most unique. It was the same general formula as the earlier releases, but rather than being entirely menu-based, you walk around little representations of the cities.

The idea is this: you’re given an assignment by Interpol. A member of V.I.L.E. has stolen a country’s beloved artifact (it’s the Stanley Cup in Canada, which is so funny to me), and you need to track them down. You start at the scene of the crime, and you need to talk to people to get clues as to where they went next. There are three buildings, and people will tell you things like, “The perpetrator left in a truck with a blue and white flag on it” and “They kept talking about how sexy llamas are.” You can then deduce that they went to Norway to see the sexy llamas, and you head to Oslo to continue the search.

Along the way, people will sometimes drop clues about the actual thief. Things like, “They have black hair,” or, “He was protectively clutching a jar of pickles.” You take these facts and plug them into Interpol’s database. If you have it narrowed down enough, they’ll give you a warrant to arrest them. You have to get the warrant and get to the end of the trail before time runs out. You only have a week, for some reason.

You keep following the trail until eventually you reach the city where they’re hiding out. And this is where it really diverges from the home computer versions. People warn you that the gang is out for blood, then after a short while, the thief comes out and starts shooting at you, which seems like unnecessary force against a junior detective.

The goal in these standoffs is – and I am not making this up – to make the thief run out of ammo so the police can arrest them. You have to just kind of move up and down to dodge bullets, which is harder than it sounds. Or, maybe it’s exactly as hard as it sounds. I’m not sure how many bullets you’ve had to duck. Once the thief is out of gun food, the police finally arrive to do their job and take them away. Screw international judicial laws.

You have to do this repeatedly before you get to Carmen Sandiego herself, and it only happens if you’re on the highest difficulty. I lost count of how many perps I arrested before I got to the Queenpin, but it felt like around seven. I will never forget the capital of Nepal.

The reward for actually arresting her will surprise you: there isn’t one. You get a telegram that contains a lot of the stock text you get when you arrest one of her henches, and then it just flips back to the title screen. That’s it. Not even a shot of her behind bars.

Come on. You just forced me to learn something. I deserve a bit more than a casual acknowledgment. This is why I never did well in school.

Elsewhere on Destructoid

Promise Mascot Agency’s insultingly star-studded voice cast includes Swery65 and the voice of Kazama Kiryu

One of my most anticipated titles for this year is Promise Mascot Agency, Kaizen Game Works’ follow-up to the amazing Paradise Killer. I’m already in love with its weird concept of managing grotesque mascot characters, but now I find out that I get to listen to the voice of Kazama Kiryu from the Yakuza/Like a Dragon series the whole time? Damn. Can I have it now?

The strangest collab of 2025? Gordon Ramsay finds peace with mobile game Hay Day

That is a nightmarish homunculi of Gordon Ramsey. I have to tell you, I don’t follow celebrities (though, I do like watching Gordon Ramsey shows when I’m forced in front of reality TV), and I have absolutely no interest in mobile games like Hay Day. That’s not important. That horrifying simulacrum grabbed my attention, so I had to show you.

34 years ago an obsessed soap opera viewer made one of the very first fan games

Okay, so saying “one of the very first fan games” is hyperbolic. The early video game market was basically built on “fan” games, as new programmers would often cut their teeth building replicas of titles like Asteroids. However, that’s just nitpicking, because how else are you going to draw attention to a soap opera fan game? Besides, I hadn’t heard anything about it, and

Damiano Gerli does a terrific job bringing forward all the details of the history of Neighbours: the Adventure. It’s an interesting read from top to bottom.

Just how many mods for Skyrim are there?

Okay, I thought the headline to this was going to just be rhetorical. Like in a, “there sure is a lot” sort of way. However, Andrew Heaton actually adds the numbers and comes up with an estimate for the number of Skyrim modes out there. Now, as he points out, it’s sort of impossible to know the exact number. Personally, I’m aware of some that are kept off the big mod sites because they’re, um, problematic. However, the number still paints an interesting picture. Like, holy crap.

Reviews for review this week

My Summer Car

The moment I’ve been waiting for. My Summer Car is finally out of Early Access, which means its eligible for review and further yearly accolades. We’ve received the 2025 Game of the Year early, friends. Trust me, when award season comes around this year, my co-workers are not going to hear the end of it.

Donkey Kong Country Returns HD

He's bigger, faster, and stronger too. He's the first member of the DK crew. (Huh!) I really like Donkey Kong Country Returns back when it released on Wii, but I think I was desperate for something that wasn’t just forced motion controls. Unfortunately, DKCR contained forced motion controls, which makes this updated release more pleasing to me, since now there’s no waggle. It’s a decent port. If you want Donkey Kong Country Returns on Switch, this is exactly that.

Dynasty Warriors: Origins

Apparently, smacking hordes of dudes with a variety of weapons never gets old. That’s what Steven “Wallcrawler” Mills says in his review of Dynasty Warriors: Origins. Sort of. He didn’t say that, but I can extrapolate that meaning. Anyway, he says that it’s great. Considering I’m more familiar with the Warriors spin-offs, I’ll take his word for it. The only mainline I actually played was Dynasty Warriors 3, which I love for its splendidly horrendous voice acting.

Tales of Graces f Remastered

Now here’s something I really don’t know much about. So, once again, I’ll defer to Steven “Full-throttle” Mills. He says Tales of Graces f Remastered is not only a great game, but a great remaster. Make sure you get the full details in the review.

Blade Chimera

With three reviews this week compared to his two, I won the competition that myself and Steven “California Reaper” Mills weren’t having. For this last one, I look into Blade Chimera, which is sort of Team Ladybug and WSS Playground’s follow-up to Record of Lodoss War: Deedlit in Wonder Labyrinth. Like that game, Blade Chimera is very Castlevania: Symphony of the Night inspired, but kind of in a good way? It’s solid and enjoyable. Check it out if you’re in the mood for some metroidvania.